"Anger is only one letter short of danger"Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com As I sat in the grey chair in her office, tears filled my eyes as I awaited her first words. She asked, “So? Why are you here?” As I sat in the grey chair in her office, tears filled my eyes as I… Continue reading Therapy, EMDR and a Bag of Plums
Clay was right. The depression was short lived and while it lingered like smoke in a sweatshirt, it wasn’t overwhelming. I was me again. But by Monday, I was a new kind of wrecked. For three days I had this restlessness that couldn’t be tamed. Like mosquitos under my skin, there was a buzzing inside… Continue reading Healing with Psilocybin: The Shift
After cleaning up the ice shack, I started walking off the lake to go home. I had parked my van at my friend Vivian's house and she was opening the door as I was packing up to leave. She yelled, "So? How was it?!" I looked at her silently for a moment while my mind… Continue reading Healing with Psilocybin: The Seed
Fall 2022 I decide I want to explore psilocybin. The studies around using it for healing PTSD, anxiety and other mental illnesses is compelling and intriguing. Similarly, the research with terminally ill patients finding peace and “Oneness” was equally enthralling to me. My first plan: try microdosing. I buy some online from a site a… Continue reading Healing with Psilocybin: The Soil
I’ve always had it in my head that to have a big change in perception/habit/personality it had to be preceded by a monumental “a-ha” moment; something huge that slaps you in the face with the brute force of its clarity and resonance. But if there’s anything I’ve learned in the last year it’s that the… Continue reading What Self Love Looks Like
Have you ever taken on a job that wasn’t even yours to accept? A job you subconsciously started? A job you didn’t get paid for? I have. I have taken on so many jobs that weren’t mine and instead of being paid for it, I ended up the one paying for it later. I took… Continue reading It’s Not Your Job
My husband and I had our first getaway since having our third child who’s now one. It was a long time coming and boy, did we need it. A third kid during a pandemic year and we needed alone time desperately. We arrived at our destination and immediately I found myself anxious. What do we… Continue reading Permission Granted
For the last two years I have been working on a fertility specialist certification so I can become a fertility coach. When I joined the program, my son was a few months old and I thought the workload would be manageable with an infant who slept all the time. Problem was, he never slept. A… Continue reading Doing The Work of Changing and Healing
I knew 2021 would start off on the wrong foot; 2020 ensured that. But I had no idea just how wrong it would be. I woke up one morning, blearily looked at myself in the mirror for the first time in forever and thought, “Where did you go?” I was gone. Kelsey was a distant… Continue reading But WHERE Did She Go?
For me, winter has always been about hibernation; a burrowing into ones self to reflect, relax and embrace the slow growth that comes from such hibernation. I’ve taken a break from blogging the last three weeks. I’ve closed down my small business I’ve had for 6 years and am going through the motions of dismantling… Continue reading For Every Season Comes A Change
I don’t talk about my marriage very often because my husband is a very private person and we’ve agreed there’s some things that are best left between us. But something happened recently and I think there’s a valuable lesson in it. Laying it out since 2008! Clay owns and operates a busy construction company. It’s… Continue reading Leave It On The Table
A friend has freakishly lost her hearing. Another friend is prepping for IVF. Another, her brother’s in jail. One mama is struggling adjusting to two kids in a year of lockdown and isolation. Too many friends mental health is failing. So what can you do about it? I’m a fixer and a helper. Many of… Continue reading You Don’t Have To Respond To This
Two months sober. Never thought I'd say that both because I never thought sobriety would be something I'd seek and because I never thought I could ever do it. To be sober is quite sobering Photo by Sora Shimazaki on Pexels.com In the two months since quitting drinking I wish I could say so much… Continue reading Two Months Sober
I didn’t realize how lonely I’ve been until this weekend. Even surrounded by my children and my husband on weeknights and weekends, I’m lonely. Even seeing some friends occasionally, I’m still lonely. I’ve spent too much time alone with myself that my brain is playing tricks on me. My insecurities are rising, my childhood programming… Continue reading The Side Effects of Loneliness
20 years ago, at the impressionable age of 15, I put myself in a situation that I still regret to this day. I believe I was raped. Or believed. Or believe. I’m not sure anymore. Over the course of researching and writing my book, memories long forgotten have started to surface, including some about one… Continue reading Blackout.
I normally only write about the hardships in my life after I’ve learned the lesson or once I’ve healed from the experience enough to revisit it through words. I like telling the sad or hard stories but ending on the lesson, a written Modern Family episode, if you will. But today I’m writing from the… Continue reading You Can Go Now, Anxiety!
Soaking up our fourth (and final) baby! When I look back on 2022, it was a pretty incredulous year (who has four kids these days, anyways?!) with deep pockets of hardships. I started January hugely pregnant at 32 weeks pregnant intent on having a peaceful, unmedicated hospital birth. The end of February came; my waters… Continue reading Where Do We Go From Here?