I surrendered. I waved the white flag. My cup wasn’t just empty, it was shattered. All my self care tools in my arsenal were failing: the bubble baths, the yoga, the poolside visits with friends, nothing was helping me feel refreshed and content. There is at least one child who is always on me. I’m… Continue reading Waving the White Flag
Sometimes Later Never Comes
*names have been changed. There’s a door opening in my world right now and I am petrified. I am scared of failing, of upsetting others, of realizing I’m not cut out for this new world I’m about to enter. I’m a cocktail of nervous excitement, petrified fear, buzzing electricity and wavering doubts. I am… Continue reading Sometimes Later Never Comes
Just Start with G
Glennon Doyle’s latest memoir Untamed unraveled me: her thoughts could’ve been my thoughts, her words my words and I found myself highlighting the shit out of the book. As I assume it is with most people, reading is a stationary, introverted experience of watching a movie unfurl in my mind. It’s quiet, unexciting and most… Continue reading Just Start with G
The Liberation of “CareTooMuchItis”
After someone I know saw an Instagram post of mine the other day where I shared my overwhelm and frustration of a bad day (made worse by a bad week), I received an email from this person telling me: “this is the time in your life to give up all your own extra-curricular activities” and… Continue reading The Liberation of “CareTooMuchItis”
I Cannot Be Broken
I thought I was broken during my fertility struggles. I was emotionally and mentally in pieces and my body? Well, It wouldn’t do what I wanted. So it was broken too. Nothing was going to plan therefore everything was broken. As I crumbled, things around me crumbled. The engine in my car blew, my daughter… Continue reading I Cannot Be Broken
UnTangling The Knots: The Other Side of Motherhood After Infertility
Since June 10, 2019 I’ve been in knots in a tug o’ war between my logical mind and my emotional self; a back and forth between guilt and awe, fear and joy. I know too many women who would give anything to be in my place right. My six year old daughter dances through the… Continue reading UnTangling The Knots: The Other Side of Motherhood After Infertility
Motherhood: The Form Fear Takes
Fear takes an unusual form in my world. It’s a dark, unmoving shadow in my periphery. If I try to trick it and look quickly in its direction, it disappears. But it’s always there. Lurking. Seeping into my mind like early morning fog. I never knew this fear before motherhood. It’s a fear of Life… Continue reading Motherhood: The Form Fear Takes
Peeing in the Dark
I’m pregnant. I’m shocked. I’m scared. I’m slightly devastated. I’m slightly excited. After five years of actively trying to have our son (who is ten months old today) we didn’t think this would or could ever happen. Between my endometriosis and nursing- I thought we were safe with the ole pull out method. Clearly my… Continue reading Peeing in the Dark
When The Past Sneaks Up and Kicks You in The… Anxiety
The only way through anxiety is through the anxiety. You literally have to go through it: feel it, experience it, abhor it, resent it, accept it and then move through it. You have to go through the feelings. I believe anxiety is our minds way of telling our bodies something is wrong. We haven’t been… Continue reading When The Past Sneaks Up and Kicks You in The… Anxiety
Then The Tears Come: A Lesson in Tragedy, Perspective and Love
My husband tells me I’m surrounded by tragedy. I know too many people who’ve faced terrible circumstances. I laugh him off: I run a fertility charity, of course I know tragedy. I know tragedy intimately both from my own life’s journey (and those I love) and because I am the type of person people want… Continue reading Then The Tears Come: A Lesson in Tragedy, Perspective and Love
