Recently there’s been some blog posts floating around on social media touting the whole “f*ck it” mentality. Have you read these? The ones that say that no Mom can live up to the expectations that have been set. That no Mom can do it all. That no Mom can do the cloth diapers, the organic homemade foods, the bamboo sheets AND the all-natural body washes. So instead of fighting for the unobtainable they’re saying, FUGETABOUTIT?
I have a lot to say in response to this.
We are living in very exciting times in history. We have information AT OUR FINGERTIPS 24 hours a day, seven days a week. If we want or need to learn something, we can look for it on YouTube (Hello Gordon Ramsey’s scrambled eggs-a game changer in my house although we cook ours longer!) or we can google it and thousands of articles will pop up explaining exactly what we need. We can learn ANYTHING. Any time. Anywhere. It’s marvelous.
It’s also overwhelming.
From the onset of blogs and personal websites and social media, we are seeing how other people live and think and do.
Whatever your parenting style is, you can find similar Moms with similar ideologies. You can also find the Moms who are on the other end of the spectrum from you. And of course, the moms in between.
Unfortunately, becoming a mother has made us the most vulnerable we’ll ever be. It’s understandable too. We are trying to keep a human alive. And worse, we’re trying to teach them to wipe, to blow, to cough into their sleeve, to say please and thank you, to be kind, to be nice, to share, to walk, to count, to read, to talk, to be good global citizens of the world and holy shit, it’s exhausting. They’re children. They don’t understand abstract concepts like free will or compassion. They don’t understand most things. And yet, we slug through each day trying our best to make a positive impact on them. On top of keeping them alive and teaching them how to be alive, we also clean the house that feels like it’s in constant disarray no matter what you do. Vacuuming, dusting, dishes, washing, weeding: it’s never a finished masterpiece. It’s more small chunks are done and you can see what the big picture could be but it’ll never be fully complete.
We make meals to nourish everyone in the house plus the occasional drop in friend or weekend visitors. You factor in the pickiness, the allergies, the weather and what’s in the crisper about to go bad. Then you clean up after that meal and plan for the next one.
I could beat this to death but I hope you see my point: Momming is a serious job. It’s exciting and overwhelming and tiring and frustrating and incredible: ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
Insert the access to info at our fingertips and you will always find a mom doing it better. Or worse. And somehow, the comparison game begins. Mom guilt sets in. That blogger is making her own diapers from recycled fabrics while that mom is steaming her own garden vegetables to make organic baby food. That website shows you how to make your own baby bum cream and that site shows you how to discipline your kid so that they don’t fear you but they understand you’re the boss.
So now you have Mom’s who are fed up. But fed up with what? The expectations they believe are set upon them? Fed up with Mom’s who seem to have it all together? Fed up with the constant barrage of mom advice and how to’s? Fed up with the daily mom guilt?
They’re fed up so they’re saying, “F*ck it.”
This is where I am struggling. I understand the need for a day, a meal, a week even a month of this living but this approach is not helping our children in any way. Because, if you don’t stand up for something, you’ll fall for anything. We can’t let information overwhelm paralyze us to standing up for what’s right in this society. Slathering toxic chemicals on our children is not okay in my books. Allowing our kids to eat mostly processed food day in and day out because it’s cheap and easy is not okay either. Buying from companies that don’t have the public health’s best interests in mind is not okay. You’re telling them that it’s okay to poison us. Each dollar spent on a company that is known for their shitty values is showing our kids that we don’t have a voice, that we can’t inflict change. Our paralysis fuels poor business practices and it is affecting children’s health. Asthma, allergies, even leukemia for goodness sake’s are ON THE RISE and it’s contributed to food and environment (Click here for more info on this).
I understand the feeling of “I’m already doing so much and trying so hard, I just can’t add anything else.” I do. But I’m not advocating becoming the perfect mother. First, there’s no such thing. Second, we do have enough to do. What I’m pleading is to pick ONE THING. Just pick one thing that you aren’t willing to compromise on. Show your children that you are taking a stand against this one thing and that with your one voice, you can be the change we need to see in this world. For instance, maybe it’s disposable diapers. Teach your kids the environmental impact diapers have and why you refuse to use them. Or perhaps, once a month, dedicate a day to picking up litter. Or search recipes together and commit to three meals a week that are healthy and delicious.
In our house, it was personal care products and food but we used disposable diapers. I took a stand against companies that were poisoning us through our skin (our biggest organ) and I wasn’t willing to use crappy box store products on my infant daughter so I started making my own. I made baby food because I enjoy cooking and it didn’t feel like a chore to me. But I hated poop and meconium and gagged a lot so I used diapers. Cloth did not fit in with our life and although I did regret it, I am only one person and I can only do so much. So disposables it was. I picked my battles according to my values and to my time commitment. You can too.
This attitude of “f*ck it” helps no one. It’s an attitude that lets you feel like you’re off the hook. It’s an attitude that perpetuates unacceptable business practices. It’s an attitude that teaches our children that they can’t be change makers. It’s an attitude of acceptance of the pro status quo: a quo that needs serious reshaping.
Stand up and fight. Don’t accept it and write all over the internet how done you are. Entice a change. Open up the discussion. Find exciting ways to make healthy habits stick. Educate yourselves. Your one voice can be the voice for many. And it’s with many that change occurs.
United we rise,
*note: opinion pieces can be tough. We all have opinions and we may not agree all the time. While I do welcome feedback and opinions, lets do so in a kind and mature manner. Many thanks and blessings to you all.