Beliefs and Butterflies


I believe all beings are connected to a Source, a cosmic energy, a consciousness; whatever you want to call it, I know you know what I mean. Call it energy or vibes or a gut feeling but the human five senses aren’t all we have. There’s so much more.

Everything on Earth is a tapestry of interconnected webs of divinity, energetic frequencies and collective consciousness. The trees and the plants and the particles and the atoms and the water are all participating in the dance of the Cosmos. I believe we can feel energy without touching it. For instance, do you ever walk into a room and just feel off? Or stumble upon a couple who were previously arguing but trying to be polite now that you’re there? You can feel their anger. You can feel the energy in high frequency places too. For me, Tofino, BC, Canada has an energy that is palatable and good. You can’t beat the energy of a Tofino sunset, sitting on the pier with your arms around your best people.

I believe you can see the Universe at work in the spinning of spider webs and in pregnancy and in the Japanese puffer fish’s sand castle sculptures. I believe you can taste the Universe in a sun warmed, fresh picked strawberry or a holiday meal prepared at Grandma’s house or in a warm, homemade cookie. I believe you can smell Source after a rainstorm, when the leaves fall in October or around a campfire with friends and cold beers. The energy is there.

You only have to allow your invisible antennas to tune in to it.

Humans can communicate with this Source Energy. We can tap into Source through meditation and inner listening; if we get really quiet and attune our breathing to the frequency of the Universe or, if you want to get scientific, to a theta brain wave, we can hear the answers to the questions we seek. When we commune with Nature, we commune with God. When we ask for a sign and are receptive to receiving it, we are seeing the Universe communicating with us. When we choose to believe it, we will see it.

The other night I took a walk through the back field behind my small town in rural Saskatchewan, Canada. I was reflecting on the weekend and my daughter’s fourth birthday party. I had recently read that talking out loud has a higher frequency than talking in your head so I actually spoke aloud. To my dead grandmother.

You see, my biggest fear is failing at motherhood.  So I called upon my grandmother for guidance. I told her my concerns and my fears. And as I approached the dusty dirt road I asked if she would come to me in some way and give me advice. Within seconds, I heard in my mind, as clear as day “just be you.” I shook my head.

I heard it again: “just be you.”

I continued my walk and asked her, still aloud, if that was her message to me and if so, to give me a sign. I was specific too. I asked to see a butterfly somewhere during the remainder of my walk. I was nearing the train tracks that go through town and decided to walk them back instead of my usual longer loop through the back roads. I had never taken the tracks before and was cautiously stepping while also scanning for the butterfly sign. As I got nearer to town and closer to the end of my walk I started to doubt the words I had heard. I worried I wouldn’t see my sign. I was now predominantly looking down while walking to avoid the prickly bushes growing amongst the rails. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a dead end street butting up against the train tracks and I decided to get off there. Once on the road and heading west towards home I was feeling a little silly for my perceived message from my dead grandmother and for my desire for a sign. Shouldn’t I have just trusted that it was? My faith is pretty strong and I should’ve accepted that of course that was Gramma and her energy coming through to me.  But I wanted confirmation. There were two houses on the dead end part of the street before coming to the intersection. I got to the crossroads, looked right, looked left and did a double take. Right there on the corner of a person’s yard was four decorative butterflies surrounding a big beautiful tree. I had my sign.


Not only were the butterflies a sign that my “just be you” message was from Gramma but the fact that there were four butterflies was significant too: I have been married for four years with a four year old daughter and four angel babies.

You may think I’m crazy and that’s okay. But everything we believe in or value is based upon a choice that is made. Whether it’s an ingrained “program” in your mind put there by your parents (ie. you think you aren’t good enough because your parents never praised you and instead, put you down) or you came to the belief/value on your own (ie. after a hard struggle you believe that everything happens for a reason) it is a CHOICE. We choose what we want to believe. Some beliefs are more powerful than others (like the above examples) and can affect us in negative, terrible ways. Sometimes, though, the belief is deeply rooted and requires a lot of work to remedy. Sometimes we don’t even know where a belief system comes from.

I was beginning to believe that my four tragedies over the past four years were to teach me a lesson I had yet to learn previously. I thought that because I had never lost anyone close to me and therefore, never knew real pain or devastation, the Universe was giving me the lesson, the tough love, to show me tragedy and to learn the lessons that can only be learned through loss. But now I choose to believe that the Universe has a bigger plan for me that requires some breakdowns before the breakthroughs. I don’t always understand it. I don’t always agree with it. In fact, some days, on the really hard days, I curse the Universe for not following my plan.


Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, the Universe already laid my plan out long before I had conscious thought. It’s a plan I don’t see fully laid out like a blueprint but I see the steps now. The Universe is guiding me towards fulfilling my fate that will benefit me immensely and work for the highest good for all. The Universe is guiding you too. You only need to believe to see and what you will see will be an unconditionally loving energy that only wants the best for you. The Universe wants to give us whatever we want whether that’s abundance or children or that career. But if we close the blinds to the help outside the window of our lives, we will miss the signs and we will ultimately make choices that are out of alignment with our true purpose.

gabby quote

My losses have brought tears and anger and confusion on too many days. I’ve spent sleepless nights wondering “why me?” and “why do bad things happen to good people?”  I’ve tried to make sense of tragedy and death and unfair circumstances.  But those unanswerable questions made my grief worse.

Today, as I continue healing and fighting for another baby and for a life that is aligned with my Higher Self, I see that my losses have brought me a faith that I can’t not help but believe now. Too many coincidences have occurred. Too many signs have been put in my path. Too many good things have come from my pain. I have closer relationships with my loved ones and I appreciate those people much more. I have met some incredible women with similar (and worse) stories. I have helped some of these women through my story. I am more grateful than ever for the birth announcements of others, the sunshine on my face, the breath in my lungs. I talk to my deceased loved ones now and believe they can send me messages! That’s either cool to you or completely crazy but either way, it’s my belief and it works for me. It brings me joy and awe and moreover, it lessens my fear of death. Death doesn’t scare me anymore and my angel babies are new energies growing in someone else’s tummy now, hopefully anticipating a new human existence with good people who deserve him/her. Their tiny deaths, their undoings have brought me an incredible, unwavering faith complete with beliefs…and butterflies.


United We Rise,


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