When our daughter was conceived (and birthed) in 2013 after years of unexplained infertility, I had no trouble getting pregnant afterwards. It was staying pregnant that became the problem. But I had three pregnancies in 2017 (vs one in 2016, none in 2015 and one in 2014) so something must’ve been working while something else wasn’t.
The response I’ve gotten to my pregnancy announcement has been incredible and I feel very blessed. I truly believe this pregnancy will be THE one and I don’t just say that because I’m deathly ill like I was with our daughter. It’s more than that. And almost as much as people are asking me when am I due, they are also asking, how did it happen?
I don’t need to tell you the story of the birds and bees. We know “how” it happens. But for the infertility community, we need more. We need details. We need methods. We need hope.
So how did I get pregnant this time? And (fingers crossed) stay pregnant? Short answer: I have no idea. Long answer: I found peace, grace and two earth angels in my community: Nina Zettl and Carly Rae.
The peace and grace took me the better part of three years to find. It was an elusive blessing that took a lot of work to meet.
I searched within. I explored yoga. I found meditation and healed my inner child. I listened to the stories and experiences of others: both good and bad. I took the advice of friends, doctors and counsellors. I drowned myself in wine. I swam in my tears. I read all the self-help books I could find. Authors like Gabby Bernstein, Anita Moorjani and Pam Grout resonated with me. I saw a homeopath. I listened to podcasts. I spent a lot of time outdoors. I forgave myself. I wrote a lot, both here on the blog and in my journal. I started a non-profit because there is no better way to help yourself than to help others. I found new friends. I solidified old friendships. I fell in love with my husband again. I spent quality time with my daughter. I went to therapy. In short, I did the work.
November 10th is a day I will never forget. After some urging from my best friend Amber she convinced me I needed to have an angel reiki session with Nina Zettl of Freedom From Within Yoga and Doula in Saskatoon, SK. The moment I laid down on the table in the front room of her home, I burst into tears and literally didn’t stop for 90 minutes. New Earth Angel Reiki was channeled by the incredible Andrea Kehler and it “assists you in shifting into the vibrations of the 5th dimension…[it] looks for the story the body is carrying. Physical pain is the body’s way of showing us that we are carrying suppressed emotions or belief systems that no longer serve us. Along with the help of the Angels and Guides [they] take their clients on a visual journey back through space and time to where these patterns first began. We hold space for them to connect to this part of their consciousness, clearing the root in order to bring in transformational healing. The reiki allows us to clear at a cellular level so that our client’s cannot pull these patterns back in. This hands on healing approach as well as working with the chakra systems [is the only similarity to Usui reiki].”
Sounds woo woo, right? I know. But it is actually so powerful. It’s quite incredible the interconnectedness between our cells, our minds, our trifecta of mind-body-spirit. With Nina, we entered into my heart chakra and saw my four angel babies. They were playing together and the oldest, a boy, told me everything was okay and they loved me. Archangel Michael came in and gave me a dove as a symbol of forgiveness. I felt immediate relief like a weight had lifted off my shoulders. Physically, I felt this lift. Later in the session, still crying of course, we were led to a pond. It was a typical murky pond but Nina felt called to find the plug and drain it. It refilled with crystal clear, cool, glacier water: something we took as symbolic for cleansing my womb. Then, and I shit you not because I am NOT religious whatsoever, Jesus (yes, the Christian Jesus who I’ve never felt anything towards besides a healthy dose of skepticism) came forward, cupped his hands in the water, took a small sip and let the rest of the water from his palms fall back into the pond where the pond immediately warmed up and a fetus started growing below. I looked up at him in awe and He was then holding a swaddled baby in his arms. He looked at me and said, “she’ll be here soon.”
I KNOW how crazy this sounds. Writing it down sounds crazy and I wouldn’t believe a word of it either. But it felt peaceful and right. Maybe Nina was guiding me in her way to find peace in her modality. Maybe it was a grandiose daydream that played out. Maybe it was my subconscious tricking me but whatever it was, it felt real. I believed what I was seeing before me was real. Maybe it was desperation. Maybe it was hope. But regardless, I believed it with every fibre of my being and I left Nina’s house feeling peaceful and happy albeit emotionally depleted.
I believe I had spiritual and emotional blockages that were preventing my pregnancies from taking root.
Nina helped me heal them. She opened my closed chakras (energy centres located along the middle line of the body from just above the top of the head to the bottom of the spine), gave me peace about my angel babies and gave me hope that there is more to Life than what my measly five senses can pick up. She gave me the last piece of peace I needed. I also left thinking it was possible I maybe would conceive again soon.
Maybe that helped me.
In September, I asked my pendulum (a gemstone on the end of a chain that tunes into your energetic frequency) if I would get pregnant again this year. It told me yes. It told me it would happen in December. Maybe because I had that in now my subconscious, it helped.
In October I went to a woman’s retreat with 20 other women. In our circle, I announced my pendulum’s prophecy and I was going to believe AND expect it to happen. The other women agreed, held spaced and prayed for our baby to arrive in December. I conceived December 12, 2017- 7 days before my expected ovulation date.
Maybe that helped me too.
In December, I made an appointment with Carly Rae. She specializes in women’s health and she is incredibly knowledgeable and wise. She uses a therapy method called Arvigo which is a deep and specific massage over the abdomen to realign the organs, including the reproductive organs. It was a little painful but I felt the best I had felt in a long time within 24 hours. My stomach didn’t feel as tight, my digestion was better, I even felt lighter. She suggested castor oil packs (a piece of fabric soaked in castor oil then placed across the stomach with heat applied) and although I only did it once (it’s really messy and I’m lazy, apparently) it gave me relief as well within 24 hours.
Maybe that helped?
Conception and pregnancy are futile and finicky. We can never really be sure what the one thing was that made that time the time (without medical invention of course!) Maybe it was the wine we drank and the laughs we shared the night we conceived. Maybe it was the Universe rewarding me for a year of healing and growth. Maybe it was a subconscious belief that was planted by my pendulum, women’s circle and/or the Jesus vision/daydream. I don’t know. I just know I’m super grateful and if you’re struggling to conceive and you have an angel reiki or an Arvigo therapy practitioner in your area, it’s worth a shot to try too. It won’t hurt, that’s for sure.
I wanted to be able to say I tried everything. And I did: the mainstream and the Eastern modalities and the woo-woo spiritual aids. Now I’m ten weeks pregnant, sick as a dog with a nose to match and I’m confident this baby will join us earthside in September. Woohoo!
United we rise,